


all our yesterdays have lighted fools

by audiopsychic



Series: tommorow and tommorow creeps in this petty pace [1]
Category: Justice League & Justice League Unlimited (Cartoons), The Flash (Comics)
Genre: ADHD, Ableism, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Gen, Wally West is The Flash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 10:32:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12297354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/audiopsychic/pseuds/audiopsychic
Summary: Even as a child, Wally was never able to sit still.





	all our yesterdays have lighted fools

**Author's Note:**

> this was four months in the making, of editing and re-editing. at one pount, i deleted part of this fic and ended up writing way more then i originally planned too...  
> this is based on my own personal experiences as somebody with autism and adhd  
> also? i just looked and apparently i started writing this at 12:45 am which explains a lot  
> (this was fucking hard as hell for me to finish and post)

Even as a child, Wally was never able to sit still.

They didn’t like it when he moved. They would hold his hands down and force him to look them in the eyes, which was uncomfortable, and made him more upset and fidgety.

He didn't like to be told to stop moving.

They gave up on stopping him around the time he turned ten. They said that there was nothing they could do, that he was a lost cause and could never be taught to interact with people, that because he couldn't interact with people he could never make it in the real world. Wally thought that was stupid, he knew he was smart, smarter than most kids, and even though it hurt when they called him names, he kept moving. The bad thoughts couldn’t catch him if he kept moving.

The kids in school didn’t like him.

Wally didn’t like them either.

When he started work, became an adult, he thought things would be different. He thought that being an adult meant that people didn't tease you, knew better than to hurt, but he had been wrong. They just stopped being mean to your face, and started to talk behind your back more. Wally knew they talked about him, but they didn't use the same words. They called him things like ‘childish’, and other, worse things. It was fine. Wally wouldn't dwell. He would push ahead, run away from the problems as he had always done. He was a chemist and a forensic scientist and he loved his job. He wouldn't give up because of people. He couldn't give up.

It wasn't that he didn't have friends at work, but they weren't really friends, they were coworkers. The people who worked with him in the lab were nice to him, they talked, and they didn't get upset when Wally rambled about science, in fact, they listened to him, because they knew he was smart. But respecting someone and being their friend were two different things. Just because they interacted at work didn't mean that they invited him to events or asked him about himself at all. His superiors liked him because he did efficient and thorough work, and always was happy to take the heaviest workload, and not because he was a kiss-up either. Wally genuinely enjoyed doing the work, and that made him valuable. He was smart, so people kept him around.

When Wally got his powers, when Wally put on his mask for the first time and ran, really truly ran he felt free. Under his red mask, he was normal, he was free to tap his feet and flap his hands, free to be as loud as he wanted, and no one could judge him for talking a lot because he saved their lives and that meant that they loved him and they loved to talk to him, he learned their names and their faces and their interests, and always made sure that they were okay. Even the criminals were friendly with him, and he always made sure that they were in a good place, making sure that James took his medication and checked him into a psychiatric hospital whenever he stopped taking the medication and took up the role of the Trickster once again. Wally always made sure to check in with him afterwards. He helped James. (Wally wouldn't admit it out loud, but having a friend, helped him too) He saved them, he protected them, and he befriended them, and that meant that he was free to be himself, free to move, and free talk about anything and everything that interested him without any fear at all. The mask made Wally feel like he could be free, like he could finally be himself. Nobody called their superhero any names.

The Justice League changes things. They tell him to talk less, be more professional, be less childish, be more normal. They want him to sit still and be quiet during long boring meetings where they talk about this and that and expect Wally to stop filling the voids of silence that he hates so much with sound. They expect him to be harsher on his villains, even though Wally knows they’re (mostly) good people who need help and support and friends to make sure that they stay safe and out of trouble. They expect him to follow in their example and stop being so excited about everything and anything that interests him, to be quiet and stop talking whenever he gets overly excited about. It makes him seem stupid, and Wally isn’t stupid, he’s a forensic scientist and a skilled chemist, but they can’t seem to see past the idiotic, unfocused speedster.

Putting on the mask had never before felt like a chore to Wally before. Now, his stomach churned with dread every time his Justice League communicator pinged with an urgent (often obligatory) mission. He never looked forward to being underestimated and ridiculed because of his tics, he didn't enjoy weird looks when he flapped his hands or hummed under his breath or chattered to no end. The mask was an escape, it was freeing for Wally, but in the League, it was just a mask. The person behind the cowl didn’t really matter to them, as long as Wally did his job and didn't get in the way. The League expected things from Wally that he couldn't provide, he didn't think that the League realized that Wally had a life outside of them. They wanted discipline and quiet. He loved his friends in the League, loved talking to them and hanging out with them, but that didn't mean that he didn't know what they said about him. They still called him childish, still called him the other, worse names. It was okay. But it still hurt him when they ridiculed him. They want Wally to stop being himself, and be someone else who they can hold up as an example, a paragon. That’s not who Wally is. That’s never going to be who Wally is, and he won’t ever be able to change that.

For Wally, the mask had meant freedom, but it sure didn’t feel like freedom anymore. 

 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [the longer I'm here, the more I remember where I came from](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16898664) by [notmadderred](https://archiveofourown.org/users/notmadderred/pseuds/notmadderred)




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